Have you ever felt you communicated clearly with someone, but that person didn’t understand what you said? Did you blame them for not listening properly, or for misinterpreting your words? Or did you take responsibility for the response your communication elicited? Were you centered with your truth while being flexible in your approach? Communication is like a dance, where we lead and follow, give and receive, speak and listen, create and accept. Through this dance we can come to master our self. First, though, we must take responsibility for how our communication lands in someone else’s universe. It doesn’t help the dance, nor does it reflect well on the dancers when one partner blames another for missteps. It takes two to tango. Effective communication is more than just saying what’s on your mind. Effective communication bridges worlds! It requires active expression, listening, information processing, flexibility, and awareness. Communication is most effective when two people seamlessly align and become one in mind. How many different ways are there to express the same thing? When a child in grade school is taught to say, “May I use that, please,” instead of, “Give me that,” how does it change a playmate’s response? Not only can we use different words, but we can also adjust our tone, inflection and volume. On a sports field it may be acceptable to really project our voice, where as in a library it is more appropriate to communicate quietly. It’s amazing how minor changes in how we communicate lead to profound changes in how people respond. Much of communication is, in fact, nonverbal, including pauses, body language and awareness. When the totality of our communication is congruent with what we wish to express, the response we get will be most aligned with our desired outcomes. If our body language, tone or volume doesn’t match our words, or our words conflict with our identity, then we are less likely to achieve the results we desire. Self-mastery and communication If you have difficulty communicating or find yourself dissatisfied with your results, investigate the reasons, and remember that we are always empowered to create the change we wish to see in the world. At Niurka Inc. we teach our team members and clients many tools including mirroring and matching, how to frame communication and how to build rapport. Effective communication produces effective responses. Resistant responses reflect to us that we are communicating with resistance. We have all heard someone say, “so and so is impossible to communicate with?” What they are really communicating is that they lack the skill to align with and fully move a person to action through their communication. Masters of influence and communication don’t label people as being stubborn or slow, impossible or stupid. These masters are aware of their partner’s mode of communication, and flexible enough to adjust to that person’s way of communicating. Truly successful people take ownership for the results their communication produces, because they recognize that they are empowered to create the change they want. They are conscious of how the responses they receive are a reflection of their own expression.